ash and i in pics

some pictures ... check em ... http://www.xanga.com/AshleyMae53/559836862/item.html

party

shouldn't have expected anything different ...


time to party like it's 1999 ... or something ...


headed to the preston estate for a bit ...


have fun tonite kids ... be safe ...


don't do anything i wouldn't do ...


peace ...

week from heaven

Today found Ashley and I completing our 30 miles in 2 days bike excursion. Wonderful.


This week has flown by. It's just hard to think of leaving here and leaving those I care about. But I guess that what makes me realize that it's the right thing to do. It's hard. It's uncomfortable. But it's where I'm at for this season in my life. I got a phone call that came across as Private so I answered it. Turned out to be one of my roommates. We talked for awhile and she just kept talking about getting back to Chicago. It was hard. It's hard now.


And Joey just handed me a Monster drink and told me to drink it. It's a bad idea for me to have that amount of caffeine but I guess I've only got one life to live.


There are a ton of people at my house. Escaping could be the order of the day. Perhaps my favorite pond and trail. The ducks need me I'm pretty sure.



God's pretty good though. Ask me about it and I'll tell you. He works miracles. I'm blown away by it. Good good.


Katie Mc and I grabbed b-fast at panera this morning. So good to see her. I've missed her like crazy. Soon Paigey and I should be doin the usual.


I'm gonna try and remember what all happened this week so that I don't forget and can look back on it when I return to Chi-town.

Sunday Night: Christmas Eve service. Saw a lot of wonderful people. Ashley and I annoyed the people in front of us. Happy Christmas.

Monday: Starbucks in the a.m. to see my ex-coworkers. Brunch with the fam. Saw Night At the Museum. Then to Laughlins to see the sick family. Then to see Kim while she was dog sitting the possessed dog. Then to hangout with Matt Hamp.

Tuesday: Lunch with KimF. Ran errands. Ended up with Emily and Aaron at hound dogs. Then family guy and sleepin on the floor.

Wednesday: Went to Vinsons to let the dog out with Emily. Then met up with Kim Sadler. I was late. We went all over, Johnny's, slushies, roads. Apparently I'm funny. Then ended up at home with Nate, Nathan, TJ and Jed. Ended up goin to the movies with Hannah and Jed.

Thursday: Chipotle with Kim and Ashley. Made cookies with Ash and delivered them to a select special few. Went to the bowling palace to see Nate. Got to see Joe, TJ and Joey also.

Friday: Ashley and I went on a 15 mile bike ride. Cup O' Joe. Then Scotties for awhile. Saw Emily at work. Let Mitzi out. Then ShiShaw with Robby. We spent a lot of time dreaming about the future. Then Ashley showed up. Went to Gumby's.

Saturday: Breakfast with Katie Mc. Another 15 mile bike ride with Ashley. Then Scotties again. Apparently they're closing so I'm hitting them up as often as I can. And now I'm at home with all these random people.


Alright I'm getting claustrophobic. Peace out.

goodness gracious

this has been incredible.


more to come...

family time

if anyone saw my mom, sisters and i yesterday at any time, im sure they thought we were intoxicated. especially later at night when i took my sisters to the park and around town. what a good time. now we're watching Hook. not like we haven't seen this a million times. be home in a couple hours.

Merry Christmas Eve everyone ... see you soon!


had a strange dream. really strange. hopefully it doesn't come true.


peace out!

"I was coming home from kindergarten -- well they told me it was kindergarten. I found out later I had been working in a factory for ten years. It's good for a kid to know how to make gloves." - Ellen DeGeneres


"Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it's worse when they are wearing dark glasses and have streamers in their antlers because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot." - Ellen DeGeneres


I'm sorry Kim ... but I thought of you when I read these ...

thirsty tree

Jeremiah 17:5-8 (The Message)

God's Message:

"Cursed is the strong one
who depends on mere humans,
Who thinks he can make it on muscle alone
and sets God aside as dead weight.
He's like a tumbleweed on the prairie,
out of touch with the good earth.
He lives rootless and aimless
in a land where nothing grows.

But blessed is the man who trusts me, God,
the woman who sticks with God.
They're like trees replanted in Eden,
putting down roots near the rivers—
Never a worry through the hottest of summers,
never dropping a leaf,
Serene and calm through droughts,
bearing fresh fruit every season."

juss wanna go home

Home by Michael Buble

Listening for the Weather by Bic Runga


I've been listening to these songs for weeks ... I just wanna go home. Get to see mom later on tonight with the sisters. Then all the other wonders on Sunday. Can't wait for it.


Today is just a pointless day. None of my roommates or I are doing any work, Jenny and I were chatting online a second ago. We should all probably go home. Oh sigh. Just sat and listened to a student for like an hour. She makes my life look so easy.


"Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way." - James 1:2-4

my hope is in You

"Put your hope in God." - Psalm 42:11

"The Lord is righteous in all His ways and loving toward all He has made. The Lord is near to all who call on Him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him; He hears their cries and saves them. The Lord watches over all who love Him." - Psalm 145:17-20

"Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall." - Psalm 55:22

"My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will never be shaken." - Psalm 62:1&2

"Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. But as for me, it is godd to be near God." - Psalm 74:25,26&28


If I ever put my hope in something other than God I'm setting myself up for disaster. God is the only one that is always faithful and always loving. And even though He is, I still doubt. So why would I ever let my happiness rest on another mortal being? That's unfair to do that to them. No one deserves that kind of pressure. Only God, for He's the only one that could be all that we desire and more.

I'm just trying to get my life back where it needs to be. And I'm thinking about skipping out on a little work today. I feel sick afterall. My head feels like there's a grenade exploding in it. My throat feels like someone took an S.O.S. pad to it. And when I talk I sound like a man. Alright that does it ... I'm skipping out on work. Peace out kids.

cartwheels

Habakkuk 3:17-19 (The Message)

Though the cherry trees don't blossom and the strawberries don't ripen, though the apples are worm-eaten and the wheat fields stunted, though the sheep pens are sheepless and the cattle barns empty, I'm singing joyful praise to God. I'm turning cartwheels of joy to my Savior God. Counting on God's Rule to prevail, I take heart and gain strength. I run like a deer. I feel like I'm king of the mountain!

My mom sent me a text with this verse in it. Good reminder. Even though things are hard and painful at times. I will still talk about God's goodness. Even though things don't make sense. I will still declare God's faithfulness.


Wanna see something cute? Alright ... this is my brother and his fiancee ... http://www.dnephotography.com/Young-Poling.htm ... cute right? ... I'm jealous ...


Currently I'm a tad bit sick. Coughing, headache, fatigue. And then last night I may have made myself a little sick. But that led to sleeping on the floor which turned out to be great. Slept in till 7. It was good. Hopefully I'm better by tomorrow. We'll see.


It's been wonderfully liberating realizing that the relationships that I care most about(Ashley, Emily, KimS, KimF, Katie etc.) are going to be there no matter what. Whether I remain in Chicago after this year, or follow through on my plan with Emily Scott. There's a lot less stress about the future now. And the convo with my mom that went something like, "I don't see you settling down. You're gonna travel the world." Hooray for world traveling.


Oh, and I'll be back in c-bus on Sunday.

He Gets The Last Word

1 Peter 5:8-11 (The Message)

Keep a cool head. Stay alert. The Devil is poised to pounce, and would like nothing better than to catch you napping. Keep your guard up. You're not the only ones plunged into these hard times. It's the same with Christians all over the world. So keep a firm grip on the faith. The suffering won't last forever. It won't be long before this generous God who has great plans for us in Christ—eternal and glorious plans they are!—will have you put together and on your feet for good. He gets the last word; yes, he does.


Isn't it great how good God is. Why throw in the towel when I've got something this good. My loved ones are not the only ones going through such hard times. All over the world Satan is attacking God's children.


Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."

Thank you Kim. Sometimes I forget. God's got this. No need to worry. No need to fret. God's got our backs. Remember when we looked all over for that bookstore? I remember that. You're great. I'm glad you're in my life.


Last night my roommate walked in the room and set a tea bag on the table. She said her boss had given it to her and that it was really good tea but she just didn't like it. So since I'm a teaaholic I grabbed that sucker only to find out that it was earl grey! It was like Christmas. So I got some boiling water, some honey, a mug and my new found earl grey tea bag and drank me a lovely cup of tea. Oh the memories that can come from the scent of a single cup of tea.


Mom and sisters are headed out on Friday. It's gonna be a stellar time. Then I'm headed to O-hi-O. It's really coming up fast. Time is flying past.


My co-workers are talking about smoking weed. They're moms. It's weird to eaves drop on this conversation. Sometimes they switch to only speaking in spanish. Oh hilarious. Speaking of weed, our apartment building usually smells of the reefer because boys will stand at the bottom of our stairs and smoke. So yesterday our landlords daughter asked my roommate if we're smoking in our apartment. My roommate said no thinking that she thought we were the source of the smell. Then the girl informed us that she smokes weed and was just wondering if we did so that we could smoke together. Too bad huh.


"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." - Proverbs 16:9

does not compute

"...we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." - Romans 8:28


"All the ways of the Lord are loving and faithful." - Psalm 25:10


"As for God, His way is perfect; the word of the Lord is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in Him." - 2 Samuel 22:31


"God works for the good." - Well right now it doesn't seem like it. How can this be good? How are these loving and faithful ways? His way just doesn't seem perfect right now.


"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." - Isaiah 55:8&9


For sure I would do things a little differently. In my head I know that God is faithful. He is good. For crying out loud, He is Love. But in my heart it's hard to feel that way.


"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." - Philippians 4:6


"Cast all your anxiety on Him because he cares for you." - 1 Peter 5:7


Things have been put in perspective. My silly little complaints seem pretty shallow and pointless. God is so big and I am so small. I'm going to keep trusting, even though I don't understand.

i'm safer in an airplane

Who knew copeland had an album out called Eat Sleep Repeat? Yeah it's good. Especially I'm Safer In An Airplane.

it happened then, it happens now
they let you in, they let you down
and its feels like, we cant get out
and it feels like, hell...

i think im safer in an airplane,
i think im safer with my lungs full of smoke
i think im safer on the jet way,
than a world without hope

the day came in, the day went out
and not a bit of peace was spoken about
and it feels like, a suicidal world
and it feels like, hell...

i think im safer in an airplane,
i think im safer if i run through the streets
i think im safer on the jetway,
than a world without peace

oh, my arms will stretch out when they've had enough
oh, when they're tired of holding up us

i think im safer on an airplane,
i think im safer in the sky up above,
i think on safer on the jetway,
than a world without..

i think im safer on an airplane,
i think im safer in the sky up above
i think on safer on the jetway,
than a world without love.



Alright let's recap.


Saturday we had a party and invited people from our church and from the neighborhood. Definitely crazy to have pastor and drug dealer hanging in the same apartment. But isn't that how Jesus rolled? Yes. So then people are leaving and we're cleaning up and Brian calls, invites himself over and brings about 5 other people. True we know DJ and Erica. But the musician named Joel (reminded me of johnny a whole lot) and the other girls (don't know names) we didn't. And it was awkward and hilarious. I haven't laughed that hard since Ashley's last night in Ohio. And maybe I wasn't laughing quite that hard, but it was pretty close. There were tears. Brian made us play one of those stupid cranium games. One of my roommates leaned over and told me to cuss no matter what the picture was. So I did for a brief moment. Hilarious. Don't worry. My language is still tame.


Sunday after church we had a craft time for the little children. It was good. There were beads and icing everywhere. But the little kids were adorable. Hanging all over. Everything we did seemed amazing to them. Crazy to have fans like that.


The people at the Apple Store are great. Or at least that's what nick who works here told me to say. Isn't this fun. I'm making friends everywhere. http://fwdforwards.blogspot.com/index.html this is one of his blogs. check it.

Coming home in 6 days. Can't hardly wait.


Armed with my chucks and my backpack I'm gonna go finish shopping. Christmas time is great.

so be it

"There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it in tact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries, avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket -- safe, dark, motionless, airless -- it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell."

But...

"We shall draw nearer to God, not by trying to avoid the sufferings inherent in all loves, but by accepting them and offering them to Him; throwing away all defensive armour. If our hearts need to be broken, and if he chooses this as the way in which they should break, so be it."

from C.S.Lewis' book The Four Loves

I've learned a lot from this book. A lot about love. A lot about relationships. But I am more than happy to move on to another book. This time it's a novel. Shootdang. It's called The Corner by David Simon & Edward Burns. It's about life in the inner city. My language is usually pretty tame, but this book may change that. Hopefully not.

So, this guy that's been offering me rides on a daily basis. I decided today that we're not friends. Since I saw him circle around a couple times. Maybe it was nothing. But also maybe it creeped me out a little.

But on a lighter note, the organization that I work for is doing this "12 days of Christmas" thing. Two days ago gift packages were given out to everyone. Yesterday gingerbread and apple cider was dispersed. Who knows what today may bring. I'm excited about it.

Back to work. I'm almost home ohio.

how many of me are there?

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 1,476 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

Eros <3

"Nothing is shallower than the belief that a love which leads to sin is always qualitatively lower - more animal or more trivial - than one which leads to faithful, fruitful and Christian marriage. The love which leads to cruel and perjured unions, even to suicide-pacts and murder, is not likely to be wandering lust or idle sentiment. It may well be Eros in all his splendor; heart-breakingly sincere; ready for every sacrifice except renunciation." C.S.Lewis

I'll leave this one without explanation. I'm just pondering it.

Thank you God for Friends & Roommates

"... we think we have chosen our peers. In reality, a few years difference in the dates of our births, a few more miles between certain houses, the choice of one university instead of another, posting to different regiments, the accident of a topic being raised or not raised at a first meeting -- any of these chances might have kept us apart. But, for a Christian, there are, strictly speaking, no chances. A secret Master of the Ceremonies has been at work. Christ, who said to the disciples "Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you," can truly say to every group of Christian friends "You have not chosen one another but I have chosen you for one another."

There are no chances. You were chosen to be in my life, and I in yours. So we're stuck with each other as long as we choose to remain with each other. How wonderful and painful all at the same time.

This has definitely challenged my view of my roommates. Because of God's leading all of us have ended up in this apartment together. There are no chances. My desire is to get everything out of it that possibley can. My life will be changed because of the lives of those I wouldn't have ordinarily mingled with.

i'm an ass

Saint Francis called his body "Brother Ass". And this is C.S. Lewis commenting on that thought.

"Ass is exquisitely right because no one in his senses can either revere or hate a donkey. It is a useful, sturdy, lazy obstinate, patient, lovable and infuriating beast; deserving now the stick and now a carrot; both pathetically and absurdly beautiful. So the body. There's no living with it till we recognize that one of its functions is to play the part of buffoon."

May I live up to the example that an ass sets.

I just have lots of things to post about today. So rather than have an enourmous post I will have several smaller posts. Sorry readers.

splash & love

Have you ever seen in a movie or perhaps life in general when someone is standing on the side of the road right as someone drives through a puddle that is at their feet? well I've seen it in movies definitely and have now experienced it first hand. As I was walking to work this morning someone drove through a puddle and got me real good. It's a good thing I can laugh about things like this.

Oh and the same guy has offered me a ride two days in a row. I think we're friends now.


Can I just tell you how much I appreciate my mom? Never in my life have I talked to my mom as much as I have since I moved to Chicago. At least once a week we talk. She's great at listening, I do my best to recipricate. And she gives some really great advice. Most times. Maybe her advice on relationships wasn't the greatest but at least I got a good laugh out of it. She's so supportive of my decisions in life and so encouraging when it comes to my decisions about the future. I'm just really blessed when it comes to moms.


After talking to Emily Scott (who I'm crazy about) last night, and my mom, I realized how much is hanging on this return visit to c-bus. It's nothing to worry about I guess. But still, realizing how my life could change after this visit is a little exciting and a little scary.


1 John 4:7-12
My beloved friends, let us continue to love each other since love comes from God. Everyone who loves is born of God and experiences a relationship with God. The person who refuses to love doesn't know the first thing about God, because God is love—so you can't know him if you don't love. This is how God showed his love for us: God sent his only Son into the world so we might live through him. This is the kind of love we are talking about—not that we once upon a time loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to clear away our sins and the damage they've done to our relationship with God.

My dear, dear friends, if God loved us like this, we certainly ought to love each other. No one has seen God, ever. But if we love one another, God dwells deeply within us, and his love becomes complete in us—perfect love!

caffeine

1 John 3:18-21 (The Message)

"...let's not just talk about love; let's practice real love. This is the only way we'll know we're living truly, living in God's reality. It's also the way to shut down debilitating self-criticism, even when there is something to it. For God is greater than our worried hearts and knows more about us than we do ourselves. And friends, once that's taken care of and we're no longer accusing or condemning ourselves, we're bold and free before God!"

When we're practicing real love our eyes are forced off of ourselves and onto others. We're no longer looking at our imperfections, even though they're there. God knows what's inside of us and still desires to use us for His glory. So when we're consumed by God's love for us, and we're allowing that love to direct our attention to others, we're able freely serve God. Good one John.


Last night I had a horrible nights sleep. Well sleep implies that there was some. I just laid there for hours. Probably cause I did the bad thing with the caffeine again. Sorry mom. And then when I finally feel asleep this morning between 6 & 7 I just had weird dreams about my family and hicks building houses and almost running into jess with my car and visiting my sister in maine and searching for someone but not knowing his name. Strange. And now I'm at work.

Christmas is in 2 weeks gang. That's barely any time at all.

Man, I feel almost like I want to die. Maybe not all that, but at least I want to lay down on the floor of the clinic and sleep. I bet I'm not allowed.

So there's that. Back to work.

facebook

alright facebook lovers ... it's true ... my relationship status has changed. check it.

as of today there are only 2 weeks left until i will be reentering the ohio world. needless to say ... i can hardly wait.

i'll update more tomorrow ... cause i'll be at work ... dash it all ...

I'm just glad I have you. The end.

i'm a rebel

"Every real Friendship is a sort of secession, even a rebellion. It may be a rebellion of serious thinkers against accepted clap-trap or of faddists against accepted good sense; of real artists against popular ugliness or of charlatans against civilised taste; of good men against the badness of society or of bad men against its goodness. Whichever it is, it will be unwelcome to Top People. in each knot of friends there is a sectional 'public opinion' which fortifies its members against the public opinion of the community in general. Each therefore is a pocket of potential resistance. Men who have real friends are less easy to manage or 'get at'; harder for good authorities to correct or for bad authorities to currupt." C. S. Lewis, The Four Loves

For the fellow rebel thinkers that are in my life, I am ever so grateful.

Last night found me exploding. Yes. I exploded. I guess that's what happens when you keep things inside for too long. You end up yelling at your roommate. I felt/feel horrible about the yelling part. But what I said was true. I'm a mess. And I'm not a yeller. What's happening to me.

Maybe I've found the answer to life after mission year. But just maybe. I've gotta discuss it with my tour guide and do a little more research. But as for now I must get to work, my boss informed me that I need to have a flier ready to go out Monday. Oh life.

with a little help from my friends

"Friendship arises out of companionship. When two or more of the companions discover that they have in common some insight or interest or even taste which the others do not share and which, till that moment, each believed to be his own unique treasure(or burden)." C.S. Lewis

"This [friendship love], free from instinct, free from all duties but those which love has freely assumed, almost wholly free from jealousy, and free without qualification from the need to be needed, is eminently spiritual. It is the sort of love one can imagine between angels." C.S. Lewis


C.S. has some really good insight into friendship. I'm liking it a lot. I've been so blessed in the area of friendships. thank you friends for being there and being mine.


one of my favorite friend memories is of the eve of the eve that I moved to Chicago. it took place at jeff and melody's house. kim, lance, jeff, melody, adam, mary, johnny and i were there. we sat outside and talked of heaven. it was great.


well it's time to pack up and head out to the banquet that my roommate and i are singing at ... who knows how this happened ...


<3

butt of the joke

Have you ever had someone ask you a question and you knew they were being sarcastic, and they said it half laughingly and you knew they were laughing at you, but you didn't know why? Yeah me too. Just now. Who even knows what's going on. It appears that one of my coworkers doesn't like me too much. Oh well.

Wilco's song How to Fight Loneliness gets it done. 18 days.

C.S. Lewis and I have been hanging out this afternoon. This is what I got today.

"How can I love my home without coming to realize that other men, no less rightly, love theirs? Once you have realized that the Frenchmen like cafe complet just as we like bacon and eggs -- why, good luck to them and let them have it. The last thing we want is to make everywhere else just like our own home. It would not be home unless it were different."

How true. Good one C.S.

Today I needed to be reminded that I really wouldn't want everything to be just like home. Then home wouldn't be home. And I like that home is home. Let's keep it that way. Okay? Okay. Done and done.

P.S. The other night Kim and I went to Borders and I found the next journal I want. I'm ridiculous. But it's seriously so cute. It's got extra pockets and sleeves for pictures. Man, I couldn't even start it for like 6 months or so. But it gives me hope. Ha. Time to be done with work.

we've got a problem

found this http://www.time.com/time/2001/aidsinafrica/ check it

1.3 billion people live on less than a $1 a day

3 billion people live on less than $2 a day

1.3 billion people have no access to clean water

2 billion people have no access to electricity

3 billion people have no access to sanitation

20% of the population in the developed nations consume 86% of the world's good

http://www.greatergood.com/newsroom/ths/information.html

all you need is love

yesterday morning before heading out into the frigid cold i read 1 Corinthians 13:1-3 which is as follows:

"If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. If I speak God's word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, 'jump', and it jumps, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love."

my reading of the passage only briefly went beyond the words on the page and then i ventured outdoors. one of my stops was at borders to read for a bit. as i continued reading All About Love by Bell Hooks i got to chapter 6 where that she quotes this passage and talks about it's relevance and importance. and that's when i sat up and listened. God was obviously trying to get my attention. He's good.

recently i've been wrestling through what it looks like to serve others, especially this year. there are all these voices saying i should do this or i need to do that. if my actions don't come from a heart of love then they're totally irrelevant. my heart is not to do things just to do them. i hope to cultivate in my heart a life of love so that every action and word is drenched with the love that i have so freely received. i never want to serve someone out of guilt or compulsion but out of a love that is so deeply ingrained in my soul that i won't consciously know i'm "serving". i'm just loving.

now the question is how to do that.


in other news, Bell Hooks said, "A commitment to a spiritual life requires us to do more than read a good book or go on a retreat. It requires conscious practice, a willingness to unite the way we think with the way we act."

true that Bell. true that.

also, i miss my tour guide. 19 days and we shall be reunited.

this one boy

when I first moved to Chicago I was introduced to this boy named Donovan ... so pretty much he's sweeping me off my feet ... his last name is Frankenrighter or something like that ...


tell me why I'm outside in this weather ...


1 Corinthians 13 got me a lot today. I'll update more about it tomorrow.

let it snow

well, we got our first real snow this morning. it's cold, wet & beautiful. lauren and i got on some warm clothes and ran outside in the snow. we're ridiculous.


my roommate made me a cd of songs she thought i would like. it included some copeland. oh how i've missed copeland. and the days of copeland. like a year ago. it was an enjoyable time.


"Do not worry about your career. Concern yourself with your vocation and that is to be lovers of Jesus." - Mother Teresa

it's hard to find the balance between preparing for the future and living in the now. i find that i'm often unable to live in that in between.


things are getting a little outta control.

I guess I'm famous

micah says to check this out ... even i think there's a stricking resemblance

be joyful always

"...fill our minds with the stories of God's acts. Joy has a history. Joy is the verified, repeated experience of those involved in what God is doing. It is as real as a date in history, as solid as a stratum of rock in Palestine. Joy is nurtured by living in such a history, building on such a foundation." - Eugene Peterson, A Long Obedience in the Same Direction


joy. so much to be joyful about. just take time to remember. think about what God's done in history, in your story. He's faithful. He's good. He is Love.


"My security comes from who God is, not from how I feel. Discipleship is a decision to live by what I know about God, not by what I feel about him or myself or my neighbors." E. Peterson

old man jokes

When one of my roommates or I make a corny joke, we call them old man jokes. And Brian makes a whole heck of a lot of them on our answering machine. They're jokes that you would picture your dad saying, or maybe an uncle. This quote really has nothing to do with any of that though.

"Youth is not a period of time. It is a state of mind, a result of the will, a quality of the imagination, a victory of courage over timidity, of the taste for adventure over the love of comfort. A man doesn't grow old because he has lived a certain number of years. A man grows old when he deserts his ideal. The years may wrinkle his skin, but deserting his ideal wrinkles his soul. Preoccupations, fears, doubts and despair are the enemies which slowly bow us toward earth and turn us into dust before death. You will remain young as long as you are open to what is beautiful, good and great; receptive to the messages of other men and women, of nature and of God. If one day you should become bitter, pessimistic, and gnawed by despair, may God have mercy on your old man's soul."

Brennan Manning quoting General Douglas MacArthur, The Ragamuffin Gospel

Why can't I find you Peter Pan?

right now is right where i'm supposed to be

"Don't be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God's place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there." 1 Corinthians 7:17 (The Message)


"For the present do not think of it as a narrow life. I have my purpose. My loving purpose, in cutting you away from other work and interests, for the time. To work from large interests and a desire for great activities and world movements, to the inner circle life with me, is really the wrong way. That is why so often, when through all these activities and interests, a soul finds me, I have to begin our friendship by cutting away the ties that bind it to the outer and wider circle. When it has gained strength and learned its lesson in the inner circle, it can widen it's life, working this time from within out, taking then to each contact, each friendship, the inner circle influence." - God Calling


Makes sense eh? The other day I was talking to my wonderful friend Kimberly Foulis, and as we talked about the community I was in while in Columbus I started getting a little homesick. It was such a blessing. So rich and empowering. But then these are the things I read later that day. It is hard to not have that community. But I know the lessons I've learned since arriving in Chicago could not have been learned another way. At this time I am in Chicago, and I want to be fully present. And, as I've seen so many times before, the relationships that God has brought together, no time or distance can separate. What a beautiful time.


Monday was incredible. I didn't really do too much. But I talked to several of the special people who are in my life. I'm so blessed. And my starbucks friends sent me an enormous box of goodies. They know me so well. And I miss them all so much. I don't want to complain anymore about the lack of friends here, for I've been richly blessed with friendships. Truly Blessed. Thank you friends.


and i have a garden gnome to take with me everywhere. i love you.

Emily Scott

Dear Emily Scott,

Happy Birthday! May this day be all you could hope for and more. More than you know I wish I could be there to celebrate it with you. Remember all the truth about you today. You're beautiful and have a tender and precious heart. You're loved and treasured. There is no one else in the world like you. I'm blessed to have you in my life. We've shared good times and bad and have only grown closer. Remember our first and only fight? It was horrible but brought both of us closer to God and each other. I truly do thank God for you. Thank you for introducing me to all kinds of new music. I love our talks about life, love and God. He is truly present in our conversations. Remember walking through that park in Boston. Thank you for everything you are. I hope you are surrounded by people that love you as much as you deserve.

I dedicate Better Together by Jack Johnson to you today.

Love you and miss you. Happy Birthday pumpkin. Live it up.

Yours Truly,
Laura Young

black friday

hi. i'm downtown during the day after thanksgiving shopping rush. i love it. about to go read for a bunch of hours. i'll be back in c-bus in a month. be ready for it. there's a lot more to update about but i haven't the time. there are people to watch and books to be read. miss you c-bus. stay classy.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

something's terribly wrong

last night two of my roommates and i headed over to our neighbors house for a little get together. brian and dave did mission year two years ago and stuck around in the neighborhood. they have two additional roommates, d.j. and dennis. it was just fun. a bunch of people hanging out, knocking back some beers (not us mission year kids) and playing all kinds of games. it's almost like i forgot about life outside of mission year. life where that people just hang out. it's strange. everything about my life is so intentional. which is a good practice but it's so draining sometimes.


let's talk about heart breaking ...


how can it be that a 15 year old girl was excited about being pregnant because her boyfriend and her had been planning it? what's wrong with this world? it's hard to be excited about this wonderful gift when the circumstances this child is being born into are so ... well ... you know ...


and how about the 17 year old girl that came in yesterday to ask if she could get another pregnancy test ... i'd already given her one and it was positive so i was slightly confused. she then told me how she wanted to make sure because her parents were forcing the boy and her to get married ... she didn't want to ruin her life by getting married if she isn't pregnant.


and what do you do when a mother in the waiting room is telling her little girl to stop crying or she'll hit her. how can this be?


something's terribly wrong.

like a child

"He called a little child and had him stand among them. And he said: 'I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.'" Matthew 18:2-4

"it is important to remember the Jewish attitude toward children in the first-century Palestine if we are to grasp the full force of Jesus' teaching here. In the present day, we tend to idealize childhood as the happy age of innocence, insouciance, and simple faith; but in the New Testament times the child was considered of no importance, meriting little attention or favor. children in that society had no status at all--they did not count. the child was regarded with scorn.

for the disciple of Jesus, 'becoming like a little child' means the willingness to accept oneself as being of little account and to be regarded as unimportant. the little child who is the image of the kingdom is a symbol of those who have the lowest places in society, the poor and oppressed, the beggars, the prostitutes and tax collectors...the scribes were treated with excessive deference in Jewish society because of their education and learning. everyone honored them because of their wisdom and intelligence. the 'mere children' (napioi in Greek, really meaning babes) were Jesus' image for the uneducated and ignorant. he is saying that the gospel of grace has been disclosed to and grasped by the uneducated and ignorant instead of the learned and wise. for this, Jesus thanks God.

the babes (napioi) are in the same state as the children (paidia). God's grace falls on them because they are negligible creatures, not because of their good qualities. they may be aware of their worthlessness, but this is not the reason revelations are given to them. Jesus expressly attributes their good fortune to the Father's good pleasure...the gifts are not determined by the slightest personal quality or virtue."

- Brennan Manning The Ragamuffin Gospel

happy feet

i've been in meetings all morning. my brain is on the verge of exploding. but it's good. saw a lot of the business side of this organization. it makes me sad.


yesterday i was talking with one of my roommates. we had both experienced some situations with either teachers or doctors yelling to get their point accross. what happens in a persons life that turns people into numbers instead of individuals to be loved. my heart breaks for these people and i never want to get to the point of yelling instead of loving. now the question is how to prevent that from happening.


try this on for size. yesterday one of the doctors sent me in to one of her clients to get the scoop on her situation. she asked me to give her a little abstinence pep talk. 19 year old female. more partners then she could remember. half male half female. currently with her female partner of a year and a half. has a two year old son. oh my goodness. an abstinence pep talk. what a stretching day yesterday was.


ragamuffin gospel is the book of coice currently. would you like a little nugget? yes? okay. this was a little snippet that i like.

"when i get honest, i admit i am a bundle of paradoxes. i believe and i doubt, i hope and get discouraged, i love and i hate, i feel bad about feeling good, i feel guilty about not feeling guilty. i am trusting and suspicious. i am honest and i still play games. aristotle said i am a rational animal; i say i am an angel with an incredible capacity for beer." - brennan manning


last night my roommate lauren and i took these two little kids to the movies. we saw happy feet. the two year old on my lap laughed so loud and danced to the music. so i joined her in that. it was quite good. the only thing that could have made it better was if kim sadler woulda been there. my roommate thought i was strange. kim woulda been just as embarrassing as i was.


a month and three days.

cottage now ... palace later

"Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, you can understand what he is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on.
You knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently he starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is he up to? The explanation is that he is building quite a different house from the one you throught of--throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards.
You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage, but he is building up a palace. He intends to come and live in it himself." - C. S. Lewis

good right? how true though. is it any wonder that when we accept Christ into our life that all kinds of craziness takes place. it's gonna be painful because he making us into something so different from what we are now. he's making us beautiful. peaceful. complete. is your heart somewhere that Christ can come and hangout? or is it too crazy? loud and messy? he sits there and you go in and out. no time to rest. good analogy Lewis.


yesterday was a little hard. all kinds of messages comin at me. sometimes it's hard to listen to someone and take the truth they say and leave the other junk behind. it's a lot easier to discount everything they say. it's a challenge.


today i've successfully made a girl cry. and a woman's stomach hurt. it breaks my heart. but it must be done. if teenagers knew the truth about STD's and all the emotional side effects of sex outside of marriage i would have far fewer clients. it's horrible.


my sabbath has been switched to friday which is good i guess. it just means that right now i'm at work. have a wonderful day.

boston

"i think i need a sunrise ... i'm tired of the sunset" - Augustana


we had eight people in a five seater car yesterday. one of my fondest memories yet.


my roommate hilary and i headed out to a poetry reading at starbucks last night. it was so fascinating. it was put on by a program called u-turn that helps ex-convicts get back out into the work force. and the readings were done by some of the graduates of the program.


on our way to and from delightful starbucks hilary and i talked about how faithful God has been since we got to Chicago. neither of us thought for a moment that we'd be doing what we're doing. we're so blessed. and so full of joy. honestly i've never known such joy and inner peace. it's really true that serving God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength is the only thing that brings such fullfillment. what a wonderful God.


sometimes it's hard to be here. to be away from people i love and care about. but it's worth it. definitely. and knowing that distance doesn't change the relationships that matter has brought a lot of freedom for this time of deciding what to do after mission year. there are so many places yet to go. and i have options here now. kent's always a possibility. and 2008 and europe could live together in harmony. oh the possibilities are endless. it's an exciting time.


i met this guy last night named timothy. he had dreads and this fantastic leather backpack. both of which i would like to have. the end.

5 shots

so when i've been off coffee for a couple weeks it's a bad idea to drink so much. if you've ever seen a crazy little chipmunk that runs around a lot ... well that's what i feel like right now.



"Each one of us needs to look after the good of the people around us, asking ourselves, "How can I help?" That's exactly what Jesus did. He didn't make it easy for himself by avoiding people's troubles, but waded right in and helped out. "I took on the troubles of the troubled," is the way Scripture puts it. Even if it was written in Scripture long ago, you can be sure it's written for us. God wants the combination of his steady, constant calling and warm, personal counsel in Scripture to come to characterize us, keeping us alert for whatever he will do next." Romans 15:2-4 (The Message)

often when I'm tired and worn out and notice someone who is obviously struggling with something, I'll avoid them. not to be mean but because I'm selfish. which I guess is mean. this verse is challenging because it implies that we should be actively seeking out the troubles of others so that we can be a help to them.



and in her book Having a Mary Spirit, author Joanna Weaver writes, "When we can't trace His hand, we must trust His heart...don't look at what you see, remember what you know." - she talks about how there will be times when we don't understand what it is that God's doing, but that He is faithful. in those times of confusion or doubt we must remember God's character. remember who God is and how He never changes.



also, I've found another reason to move out of the U.S. ... I've decided that I would really like a pet monkey. and that's illegal in the states. so there's that.

don't be hatin'

Romans 14

Verse 1 "Welcome with open arms fellow believers who don't see things the way you do. And don't jump all over them every time they do or say something you don't agree with—even when it seems that they are strong on opinions but weak in the faith department. Remember, they have their own history to deal with. Treat them gently."

Verse 13 "Forget about deciding what's right for each other. Here's what you need to be concerned about: that you don't get in the way of someone else, making life more difficult than it already is."

Verse 19 "So let's agree to use all our energy in getting along with each other. Help others with encouraging words; don't drag them down by finding fault."

- good stuff right up in here. we can't assume that we know what God's doing in someone's life. just love. when we judge someone it's as if we're saying we know better how they should act, dress or talk. we have no idea. i'm talking to me. it's a struggle to stay silent when everything in me tells my stubborn heart that i'm right and they're wrong. but God's working in all of our lives. so let's let God do His job. He knows what He's doing. -


well the school is still here. no bombs exploded yesterday ... but that does mean that i got the day off. how wonderful.


a month and 10 days and i will be in ohio.

bomb

a bomb threat was called in at the highschool where i work ... so we can't let anyone into the clinic ... which means we're just sitting here. hopefully they'll get this building searched quickly. oh highschools ...


just another day i guess

Discover Beauty in Everyone

Love from the center of who you are; don't fake it.

Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good.

Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle.

Don't burn out; keep yourselves fueled and aflame.

Be alert servants of the Master, cheerfully expectant.

Don't quit in hard times; pray all the harder.

Help needy Christians; be inventive in hospitality.

Laugh with your happy friends when they're happy;
share tears when they're down.

Get along with each other; don't be stuck up.

discover beauty in everyone.

Make sure that you don't get so absorbed and exhausted in taking care of all your day-to-day obligations that you lose track of time and doze off, oblivious to God. The night is about over, dawn is about to break. Be up and awake to what God is doing.


Romans 12:9-13, 15-17 & 13:11


got me. how often do i take time to find beauty in everyone? am i cheerfully expectant for Christ's return? am i so consumed with my day-to-day life that i forget why i'm here? am i loving others (roommates, neighbors, clients, ohioans) with the kind of love that is selfless?


once again God is pounding.

triple tall americano

mom and the little brothers came to town yesteday. equipped with their disposable cameras we explored chicago together. really sweet time. we talked and laughed and they embarrassed me almost as much as i embarrassed them. as we sat in the cutest starbucks in all the land i broke out a little of my std information on them. never in my life have i seen such red faces and squirming. it was delightful. but seriously. it was a really good time. we went to ikea, got chicago style pizza, walked around millenium park, rode the train and took pictures all along the way.


mom and i talked about where i'm going to move once this year is over. it's looking like chicago could continue to be a time. she told me i could just live in the apartment that my dad's getting. so maybe that part of it isn't a good idea. but who knows. maybe kent will be a time.


so now i'm headed back to the pad. it's time for sitting and relaxing. and maybe a hair change.


ben folds knew exactly how i felt this morning. rain drops keep falling on my head ...


my little brothers are just really cute is all.


a month and a half and i'll be back in good ol' c-bus.

don't get cocky and strut your branch

Romans 11:11-24 - eugene peterson has such a way with words ... check it ... how dare we ever think we are entitled to salvation. we were saved because of God's love for us.


today was the first time I did the HIV pretest counseling for someone that was out of highschool. this guy was 3 months younger than I am. talk about intimidating. but I'm being stretched. how great.


this morning my roommate was praying and she said "thank you for being our shield, our fortress and our deliverer." one I was thinking about how cliche our prayers are. but also how different each of the descriptions of God are. they're all true. but think about the implications of only one of those words. do we think about what we're saying to God. I'm just as guilty as anyone else. how often I say meaningless words to God. think about what really matters.


recently I read a book by Kyle Lake entitled, (RE)Understanding Prayer. It talked a lot about this subject. the importance of prayer and how often we take it lightly. more often than not praying to those around us instead of the God around us. read the book. it's good.


last night my roommate and I were talking about what if's. what if this had happened ... or hadn't happened. she was talking about a situation involving her and two guys. the what if's had to do with the timing of things. it just made me think about how different life would be if things had happened at different times. there's nothing I can do about it now ... it was just interesting to think about.


my head's all over the place today. talked to my good friend jed last night. I get so excited after talking to him. hopefully he'll be out here this coming spring ... what an exciting time.


back to work ... or rather back to reading The Irresistable Revolution by Shane Claiborne. there have been mixed reactions to the book so I've decided to find out for myself.


have a good one.

santa gave me coffee

here's another reason why I love God ... I go into work today ... there's no school. so I get an unexpected day off. how wonderful. I've spent a lot of time with Him today. He's really great. we've been reading through Romans. it's been really great.


I just spent a lot of time in Borders. I started reading this book called All About Love by Bell Hooks. pretty stellar so far. I got about half way done with the book in one sitting.


As a woman and a lover, however, I am moved by the sight of my Beloved. Where He is, I want to be. What He suffers, I want to share. Who He is, I want to be, crucified for love. - Saint Teresa of Avila


and this is why I love Chicago. the streets are littered with twinkle lights. walking down the street I encounter santa clause. or at least starbucks workers dressed as santa and passing out free samples of Christmas Blend. then I cross the street and there's a guy riding a vespa. (carl come to chicago and buy me a vespa). it's beautiful here. there's always something going on and a multitude of places to hide away in. it's a city full of corners and passages into freedom. my goodness. i'm blubbering.


mom and the little brothers are coming to visit me sunday/monday. we've got all kinds of plans. I'm gonna show them the best parts of my Chicago. can hardly wait.


oh the adventures of sleeping in a bunkbed ... this morning I went to climb out ... too bad my roommate left her sweater on the step. I slipped and ended up on top of my dresser. what an adventure. the two sausage like bruises on my legs tell the tale quite well.


picked up an apartment book ... no harm in planning ahead ...

You Can't Touch This

Romans 8:31-39

So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn't hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn't gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God's chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us! — is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ's love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture:

They kill us in cold blood because they hate you.
We're sitting ducks; they pick us off one by one.

None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I'm absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.


What is there to be afraid of? Really? God did all that for us before we were even born ... don't you think that shows just what lengths He would go to for us. It's encouraging.


Plus, there have been screaming kids in the clinic all day. Remember that ... it could be worse ...

hope is spreading

"Not everything that is faced can be changed. But nothing can be changed until it is faced." - James Baldwin



Check it out. The Global Fund.


Check this. HopeSpreads.org. . Get on the map.

|< o o |<

kook

A person regarded as strange, eccentric, or crazy: crackpot, crazy, eccentric, lunatic. Informal crank, loon, loony. Slang cuckoo, ding-a-ling, dingbat, nut, screwball, weirdie, weirdo.

last night i was sitting in my living room typing up something on the computer when a roommate came in the room. she laid down and just smiled so i smiled back and asked what was up. she said something to the effect that i'm funny. who knew. then she told me i'm a kook. i laughed a lot. evidentally there's been a significant difference in my personality since i arrived in chi-town. anna said that she doesn't think it's insanity but more a letting go. so there's that little tid bit.


"So let's not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good. At the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don't give up, or quit. Right now, therefore, every time we get the chance, let us work for the benefit of all, starting with the people closest to us in the community of faith." Galatians 6:9&10 (the Message)

don't give up. keep doing good. isn't it strange how it's often easier to do good to those outside the community of faith. pride is a nasty little bugger. it makes us think that we have rights. that we deserve something. isn't that what causes fights and quarrels among us. something good to think about.


this morning i gave my roommate jenny a guided tour of our porch. often when you look out across the city you can see forever. it reminded me of the smoky mountains.


how did i get so blessed. why did God choose me. what a lucky girl am i.

downtown

i'm downtown chillin chi-town style.

so kim helped me realize that i had an addiction. it was called coffee and it was running my life. i've only had one cup today. so that's a big improvement. let's just say that i felt like i had a hangover all day yesterday. headaches. sensitivity to light. irritability. trouble focusing. it was pretty bad. all because i didn't have my normal pot and a half of coffee. so there's that little tid bit.

so the insanity is getting worse. all the inhabitions i had are now gone. saturday found my roommate lauren and i walking through our neighborhood pretending we had a dog. sparky is really great but often runs away and since he's stronger than i am and on a leash things can get pretty outta control. today this guy was honking at us as we walked down the street. before the insanity i would have ignored it ... but today i found myself turning around and yelling "you're hurting my ears". who even knows what's happening to me. i sing out loud on the subway and on the streets. and frequently dance a jig while crossing the street. why i think this is insanity is because i never realize what i'm doing is strange until later. then i question what's happened. what's changed. who even knows.

today was time for a letter to good ol' Matthew ... i'm so glad to be talking again. it's been hard but good. hopefully i get to see him and his fiancee this winter. we'll see.

these were some nuggets that got me today. taken from the 4th chapter of Phillippians. i'm chewing on them now ...

"...you'll do best by filling your minds and meditations on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious - the best not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise not things to curse." 8

"I know what it is to be in need and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed of hungry, whether living in plenty or in want."12

"Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am." 13

And I will leave you now. it's time to go explore. to dance. to sing. to count it all a loss compared to the wonder of having Jesus Christ in my life ... peace it out kids ...

peaceful chaos

It's incredible what God's doing. Really. I'm amazed.

This morning a girl who had come in a couple days ago for a pregnancy test came back to talk. She had all these crazy questions and wanted all this advice. I'm just blown away that she feels comfortable enough to come and tell me everything that's going on. So I've been doing a little internet exploration for her. Finding out things about nutrition and exercise. It's good. God's using me to help someone. What a lucky girl I am.

I'm in a place of contentment right now. Peace that transcends understanding is calming my mind and protecting my heart. It's wonderful. There's so much going on and so many things that I could worry about. But God is bigger than all of it ... and somehow I'm remembering that.

Tonite will hopefully be the night that I confront one of my roommates. So today I need to continually be in prayer about it. That I would speak the truth in a way that would encourage and empower her to change. My tendency is to get my point across ... to cause feelings of guilt. That is not the way of love. So my pride must go. More of Him ... less of me ...

Back to work ... back to reading this really great book ... Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria? by Beverly Daniel Tatum, PH.D. ... really eye opening and challenging ... check it ...

... wait ...

this is taken from October 30th entry in the book God Calling, "Wait and you shall realize the joy of the one who can be calm and wait, knowing that all is well. The last and hardest lesson, is that of waiting. So wait ... I would have you know this, that from the moment you placed all in My hands and sought no other aid, from that moment I have taken the quickest way possible to work out your salvation and to free you. There is so much you have to be taught to avoid future disaster ... use this waiting time to cement your knowledge of me."

and this is from Paul's letter to the church at Phillipi, "Don't worry. Instead of worrying pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life."

I'm sitting at work ... it's been really slow this morning. I haven't seen a single client since I got here. I did some research for a roommate. looked up some facts about dreads. checked my email like 50 times.

God's giving me opportunities to be patient ... I don't always do as well as I'm sure He wishes I did ... but I'm trying ...

It's incredible the difference time spent with Him makes on the rest of your day. Try it.

Heart-Shattered Life

Psalm 51 (The Message)

1-3 Generous in love—God, give grace!
Huge in mercy—wipe out my bad record.
Scrub away my guilt,
soak out my sins in your laundry.
I know how bad I've been;
my sins are staring me down.

4-6 You're the One I've violated, and you've seen
it all, seen the full extent of my evil.
You have all the facts before you;
whatever you decide about me is fair.
I've been out of step with you for a long time,
in the wrong since before I was born.
What you're after is truth from the inside out.
Enter me, then; conceive a new, true life.

7-15 Soak me in your laundry and I'll come out clean,
scrub me and I'll have a snow-white life.
Tune me in to foot-tapping songs,
set these once-broken bones to dancing.
Don't look too close for blemishes,
give me a clean bill of health.
God, make a fresh start in me,
shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life.
Don't throw me out with the trash,
or fail to breathe holiness in me.
Bring me back from gray exile,
put a fresh wind in my sails!
Give me a job teaching rebels your ways
so the lost can find their way home.
Commute my death sentence, God, my salvation God,
and I'll sing anthems to your life-giving ways.
Unbutton my lips, dear God;
I'll let loose with your praise.

16-17 Going through the motions doesn't please you,
a flawless performance is nothing to you.
I learned God-worship
when my pride was shattered.
Heart-shattered lives ready for love
don't for a moment escape God's notice.

18-19 Make Zion the place you delight in,
repair Jerusalem's broken-down walls.
Then you'll get real worship from us,
acts of worship small and large,
Including all the bulls
they can heave onto your altar!


this got me last night. as the story goes this is the psalm written right after david and bathsheba had their affair which got her pregnant and turned him into a murderer. i love this ... especially 16 & 17 where it says "...heart-shattered lives ready to love don't for a moment escape God's notice" - i want to love people ... God's breaking my heart apart slowly ... it's painfully wonderful ...

farewell friend of mine

since i am not able to get on xanga because of the health clinics computers ... i have now opened a blogspot ... there will be more ... just give it time ...