just today for today

the other day i made one of the biggest commitments of my life. i will be taking tung soo do classes at least twice a week for the next year. i signed a one year contract. that's huge for me. it's scary for me, but we all know i have commitment phobia.


on tuesday israel asked me if i was feeling good about my life since i got back to ohio. like if i was feeling like i wasn't doing anything in comparison with what i was involved in while in chicago. good question buddy. sometimes i feel like i'm failing, but i've realized that my feelings are greatly influenced by the expectations set upon me by the american and christian culture. this time has been wonderful for several reasons, the biggest and most valuable reason is the time spent with my family. it's not what i expected at all but it's been strengthening and challenging.


also, today is my third day on the patch. and the cravings are diminishing quickly. when i told my mom that i was giving it my best shot to quit she said, "oh look at you gettin your life together!" she's so great.


now it's time for lunch with the brother we call nathan, then some alone reading time, then tung soo do! it's sparing night, which means i get to punch and kick people.


p.s. diet coke friends ... check out diet coke plus! same great flavor with additional vitamins and minerals!

this is michael ...



... and this is abe




aren't they awesome?

9 days

last night was the first tae kwon do class. laura is sore this morning. but it was so much fun and i can hardly wait till tuesday. thursday we will begin sparring i think. this is so great. they teach you a lot of korean. heart, body, mind and soul. so much hinges on respect. the culture is so different, interesting.


caught up with anna and dani yesterday which was really good. it was good to talk with people who can sympathize with some deep hurts and longings in my soul. we scratched at a scab that's been forming. we're looking for balance.

slow me down

i've been spending too much on youtube this morning. but this song is very pretty. i like it a lot.

flying

my mother just informed me that my grandmother probably won't make it through the week. just one more addition to the list of shitty situations my family has to deal with these days. it's incredible.


looks like i will be spending some time with my little brothers this afternoon. then headed to work for the evening. it's been quite the week. quite the weak.


yesterday was movie/tv day. watched the ex, tears of the sun, some special on martial arts, the news, and random other things. it was relaxing and wonderful. for awhile things were a little less hard. and papa murphys was delicious. plus i got to have breakfast with kim sadler which was nice. and barnes and noble got a visit from us.


it's a good thing i'm here. wouldn't want to miss a thing.

so great

this song is great. they're coming in concert ... wanna go? me too!


this week has proven to me that complete opposite emotions can exist within me simultaneously. as i look back at this week it's been absolutely wonderful, and absolutely horrible. that's strange to me, but it is what it is.


now it's time for more greatness ... then later for some sadness. life is crazy.

bubbly

it's time for some serious family time.


it's like a movie.

i'm not who i thought i was

last night i was realizing that i'm not the person i was a year ago. not at all. and i'm absolutely okay with that. most times i'm a walking contradiction but aren't we all. i truly enjoy being with my family. thick and thin. there are fewer people in my life and i'm okay with that. there's more meaning here now.


while at work yesterday i got into one of those when-other-people-laugh-i-can't-help-laughing-too moods. it was wonderful. israel started fake laughing just to see me start laughing again.


this is probably the best sentence i've heard this week. the other night i went into work after a huge family upset so i was slightly emotional. after i'd talked about it with my co-worker i stared out at the pouring rain and complained about how the weather wasn't helping my emotional state. my co-worker and friend turned to me and said, "laura, God wants it to rain, because then everything can come back and be so much more beautiful." needless to say i started crying again. there are some of the most wonderful people employed by starbucks.


hangin out with the bros today ... then ... we'll see! !!!! ! !! <--- those are explanation points.

scrrrratch

last night I remembered that I like a little billiards action. that to say, if anyone wants to play, I'm down.

sick of it

here are some things I'm sick of:

1. people who think the world revols around them
2. married men who don't wear wedding rings and don't act married
3. lying as a form of communication
4. coffee and headaches
5. my family getting hurt
6. the idea that going to church somehow makes you superior to others
7. stomachaches
8. having no control over anything in my life


here's what I don't get. how can you lie to people (and by lie I mean, telling a falsehood or leaving out important pieces of information) and then claim to love them? how can you be willing to leave a person forever and yet apologize for hurting them. evidentally you don't care all that much. how can you wish ill will (even death) on another human being. I haven't been truly angry in a while. though I don't like it, I'm sick of all this shit. how can you be so insensitive and hurt people deliberately over and over again?

this is how I'm venting. rather than other things I could be doing.


good thing it's monday.


workin till close. baaaahhuuuumbuuuug