i'm a rebel

"Every real Friendship is a sort of secession, even a rebellion. It may be a rebellion of serious thinkers against accepted clap-trap or of faddists against accepted good sense; of real artists against popular ugliness or of charlatans against civilised taste; of good men against the badness of society or of bad men against its goodness. Whichever it is, it will be unwelcome to Top People. in each knot of friends there is a sectional 'public opinion' which fortifies its members against the public opinion of the community in general. Each therefore is a pocket of potential resistance. Men who have real friends are less easy to manage or 'get at'; harder for good authorities to correct or for bad authorities to currupt." C. S. Lewis, The Four Loves

For the fellow rebel thinkers that are in my life, I am ever so grateful.

Last night found me exploding. Yes. I exploded. I guess that's what happens when you keep things inside for too long. You end up yelling at your roommate. I felt/feel horrible about the yelling part. But what I said was true. I'm a mess. And I'm not a yeller. What's happening to me.

Maybe I've found the answer to life after mission year. But just maybe. I've gotta discuss it with my tour guide and do a little more research. But as for now I must get to work, my boss informed me that I need to have a flier ready to go out Monday. Oh life.

with a little help from my friends

"Friendship arises out of companionship. When two or more of the companions discover that they have in common some insight or interest or even taste which the others do not share and which, till that moment, each believed to be his own unique treasure(or burden)." C.S. Lewis

"This [friendship love], free from instinct, free from all duties but those which love has freely assumed, almost wholly free from jealousy, and free without qualification from the need to be needed, is eminently spiritual. It is the sort of love one can imagine between angels." C.S. Lewis


C.S. has some really good insight into friendship. I'm liking it a lot. I've been so blessed in the area of friendships. thank you friends for being there and being mine.


one of my favorite friend memories is of the eve of the eve that I moved to Chicago. it took place at jeff and melody's house. kim, lance, jeff, melody, adam, mary, johnny and i were there. we sat outside and talked of heaven. it was great.


well it's time to pack up and head out to the banquet that my roommate and i are singing at ... who knows how this happened ...


<3

butt of the joke

Have you ever had someone ask you a question and you knew they were being sarcastic, and they said it half laughingly and you knew they were laughing at you, but you didn't know why? Yeah me too. Just now. Who even knows what's going on. It appears that one of my coworkers doesn't like me too much. Oh well.

Wilco's song How to Fight Loneliness gets it done. 18 days.

C.S. Lewis and I have been hanging out this afternoon. This is what I got today.

"How can I love my home without coming to realize that other men, no less rightly, love theirs? Once you have realized that the Frenchmen like cafe complet just as we like bacon and eggs -- why, good luck to them and let them have it. The last thing we want is to make everywhere else just like our own home. It would not be home unless it were different."

How true. Good one C.S.

Today I needed to be reminded that I really wouldn't want everything to be just like home. Then home wouldn't be home. And I like that home is home. Let's keep it that way. Okay? Okay. Done and done.

P.S. The other night Kim and I went to Borders and I found the next journal I want. I'm ridiculous. But it's seriously so cute. It's got extra pockets and sleeves for pictures. Man, I couldn't even start it for like 6 months or so. But it gives me hope. Ha. Time to be done with work.

we've got a problem

found this http://www.time.com/time/2001/aidsinafrica/ check it

1.3 billion people live on less than a $1 a day

3 billion people live on less than $2 a day

1.3 billion people have no access to clean water

2 billion people have no access to electricity

3 billion people have no access to sanitation

20% of the population in the developed nations consume 86% of the world's good

http://www.greatergood.com/newsroom/ths/information.html

all you need is love

yesterday morning before heading out into the frigid cold i read 1 Corinthians 13:1-3 which is as follows:

"If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. If I speak God's word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, 'jump', and it jumps, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love."

my reading of the passage only briefly went beyond the words on the page and then i ventured outdoors. one of my stops was at borders to read for a bit. as i continued reading All About Love by Bell Hooks i got to chapter 6 where that she quotes this passage and talks about it's relevance and importance. and that's when i sat up and listened. God was obviously trying to get my attention. He's good.

recently i've been wrestling through what it looks like to serve others, especially this year. there are all these voices saying i should do this or i need to do that. if my actions don't come from a heart of love then they're totally irrelevant. my heart is not to do things just to do them. i hope to cultivate in my heart a life of love so that every action and word is drenched with the love that i have so freely received. i never want to serve someone out of guilt or compulsion but out of a love that is so deeply ingrained in my soul that i won't consciously know i'm "serving". i'm just loving.

now the question is how to do that.


in other news, Bell Hooks said, "A commitment to a spiritual life requires us to do more than read a good book or go on a retreat. It requires conscious practice, a willingness to unite the way we think with the way we act."

true that Bell. true that.

also, i miss my tour guide. 19 days and we shall be reunited.

this one boy

when I first moved to Chicago I was introduced to this boy named Donovan ... so pretty much he's sweeping me off my feet ... his last name is Frankenrighter or something like that ...


tell me why I'm outside in this weather ...


1 Corinthians 13 got me a lot today. I'll update more about it tomorrow.

let it snow

well, we got our first real snow this morning. it's cold, wet & beautiful. lauren and i got on some warm clothes and ran outside in the snow. we're ridiculous.


my roommate made me a cd of songs she thought i would like. it included some copeland. oh how i've missed copeland. and the days of copeland. like a year ago. it was an enjoyable time.


"Do not worry about your career. Concern yourself with your vocation and that is to be lovers of Jesus." - Mother Teresa

it's hard to find the balance between preparing for the future and living in the now. i find that i'm often unable to live in that in between.


things are getting a little outta control.