Monday, August 25, 2008

the old days

I miss the days when old friends and I laughed until our stomachs hurt. I miss the times when everything we did was an adventure. Spontaneous was our middle name. We would laugh and talk about a deeper more meaningful life. Every topic led to a conversation about the reason we live and breathe. I miss that.

Life has taken me for a spin over the past year. Nothing is how it was. No one has remained the same. Not even me. Hardly anyone in my life was here a year ago. There are new friends, new hobbies. Hardly anything has remained the same. Part of this is good ... but there are definitely draw backs. A lot of people have walked out of my life ... which means not many people have known me longer than a year so they don't know where I've come from or who I was. Plus it's affected me on a psychological level as well. My faith in people is slowly diminishing. It's becoming harder and harder for me to love people on a genuine level because so many people that I loved have walked out of my life as if I never meant a thing to them. All through my life I've heard that love from humans can never be unconditional but I had hope that some ... even a few people ... would love me despite my flaws ... this hope I have found is fruitless, pointless even. People love who they want you to be and as soon as you fail to live up to their unrealistic expectations you might as well rest your head on the chopping block.

Alrighty I'm done bitching ... I'm tired ... I'm old ... and I'm starting school tomorrow ... oh how I miss the old days.

1 comment:

mle said...

I never stopped loving you. I'm always here...

I think about you often.