selfish

"... its good to be out where others can see you, so you can't be your ghastly, spoiled self. It forces you to act slightly more elegantly, and this improves your thoughts, and thereby the world." - Anne Lamott


often I think my life would be an awful lot simpler if I lived a nomadic life. no close relationships. no home. no obligations or events stealing my time away from my own existence. these thoughts are selfish I know, but they are mine and I must own them. and the truth of the matter is that life would be easier. if the only person I had to worry about was myself I would have it made. sure I would be lonely, but I would be free. lonely and free. it's funny that I think this way, but don't we all at some point? this is probably why I enjoy Anne Lamott so much. not only is she an intriguing writer but she can't stand to be around people most of the time. good news in her story, and mine, is that the choice we make to remain with people usually pays off. sometimes in a painful "lesson learning" experience and in rare cases you realize how valued you are. it's those memories that give me hope. those memories remind me to stay, to love. and here I am writing this out because I know that I will inevitably forget and in about a month I will want to move far away from everything I know. so here it is, I need people, and whether or not they want me, I shall remain.